Friday, July 2, 2010

Movie Review: the twilight sage: Eclipse

So I went today to see Eclipse with my niece (teen girls like this thing). Since I was seeing it to spend some quality time with my niece I decided to give it a go and devote my full focus to the story. I have to say I did my best to go in with an open mind and as a Buffy the vampire fan actually try and like it. I did... like parts of it- actually I laugh a lot since some of it is so rediculious. Some parts of it just left me with questions. I have a feeling that the movie was produced for people who already read the books (like they are doing with the harry potter movies).

Bottomline: It took way too much effort for me watch this to go back and read the books- this sucked. If your girlfriend forces to go see it- read below and make fun of the movie in an intelligent way. Then you get to choose the next date movie.

The story so far:

So here is what I got of the story: There are good guy vampires that sparkly in sunlight (just accept it) and have brown eyes yellow eyes. The main character is a 18 year old girl who loves these two guys, Edward a skinny mopey pale vampire guy and Jacob, a jacked altethetic guy. These two guys couldn’t be more different and somehow this girl is something amazing because they both love her and put up with her silly games playing on their feelings. From what I understand Edward is a 100 year old vampire

Vampire Lore:

(I am a huge Buffy the vampire slayer fan (and Angel), enjoy True Blood, Anne Rice, I play Dungeons and Dragons, and basically love horror films and movies) So here is what I gather about how vampires are within The Twilight Saga. They can move around during the day and they move really fast (like Ann Rice’s wonderful work). For some reason they sparkle occasionally in sunlight (the single worst feature that most men detest- you are talking about undead- why would they sparkle). Somehow there are good Vampires, but they are in fact dead, have no sole and do have to “hunt”. A big deal was made vampires needing to hunt for the good vampires to stay strong, but they never let you know (in the movie) what this involves. When they are hurt, decapitated, or dismembered they turn to ice or stone. They have no problem moving through water (which has been a limitation removed from vampire lore by many stories- so I can forgive this one). Certain of the vampires have additional other powers: Edward can read others minds (except Bella- which is why he may love her) and another vampire that have premonitions or visions (right out of BTVS or Angel).

Werewolf lore:

The werewolves are spirit warriors of a small tribe. Actually, I loved this take on werewolf legend. Jacob is new to the pack and could have been chief.

Jacob versus Edward: The stand-up corn-fed good guy or the mysterious challenging dark and creepy guy. It should be obvious who I think is the better guy, but they represent a decision most girls are always fighting to make. This was a major part of the story that really bothered me- I would never (at this point in my life) put up with a girl that played all these games and forever set these two again each other. She was so disrespectful at so many points in the movie to both guys that I had to laugh, repeatedly. I actually feel bad for the people in the theater with me since I laugh a lot and did my best to not do it too loudly.

What I did like: I enjoy the climatic battle at the end. I enjoy the conversation between Jacob and Edward while Bella was asleep. I really enjoyed the confederate soldier back story. I did love the scene when Bella breaks her hand hitting Jacob and then Jacob telling the father. That fact the Jacob appeared on-screen with a shirt on for less than .03456 seconds and Edward actually asks at one point “Does that guy even wear a shirt”. When I am back in shape- I will probably walk around NASA shirt-less.

What I did not like or absolutely hated: The blond vampire girl’s back story- it made no sense what so ever. Sparkely vampires. That Edward had so much desire to marry Bella- yet Bella had no interest in marriage and wanted to become a vampire. And that whole Bella wants to bang but Edward doesn’t believe in it. That Jacob said something to the effect of you can love more than one person. This whole love triangle made very little sense (which is the main conflict in the movie that teenage girls love- shows what I understand about women).

I assume that the books are much better and explain a lot more of this detail, but overall most of this is aweful.

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